How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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