My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
