Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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