Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
