Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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