i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
