I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
