I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
