i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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