I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I will pee on everything he values.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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