Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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