My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Randomize
