I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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