Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
