Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
