do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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