he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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