Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it hurts more in the daytime
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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