i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
