Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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