Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
