The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
