the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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