somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
