im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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