Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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