can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
