So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
