he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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