awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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