Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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