Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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