I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize