i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
