wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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