At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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