My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
