we're blogging at a bar
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
