____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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