Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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