Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sponge bath it is.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
