did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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