I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
