You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
