just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
