Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
