I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
