I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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