I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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