pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
