I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
