This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
