someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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