You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
