id be glad to
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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