Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
