I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize