I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
