so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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