I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
