I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
