I think my fart just growled at me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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