Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize