i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize