I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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