i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
