On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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