WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
