his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
