I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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